Wednesday, May. 10, 2006

You're kidding me, right?


Okay, for those of you bored out of your gourds by "American Idol"-speak, then you might want to tune out for this one.

...

Okay? Okay.

Now. I was under the, apparently mistaken, impression that AI was a talent show. A singing show. Isn't that what Simon said, several times through the season? A casual glance at the Wikipedia entry for the show does, in fact, say the phrase "a singing talent contest".

So, that established, after tonight I'm forced to ask... well, what the fuck? No, seriously. Because if you're actually *listening* to the voices on that show? If you pare away the clothes, and the hair, and the personalities, and the fluff pieces, and the genres, and just listen to the voices? Of the four people on the show last night, Chris has, hands down, the clearest, cleanest voice of the bunch. Not perfect, by any stretch, but of that group? Easily the best. And, while I know that most people cannot separate the voice from all the other factors mentioned above, the voice should be the shining star in the constellation. Just because someone's wearing a jaunty hat or rocking a cute hairstyle should *not* overshadow the fact that they can't sing their way out of a wet paper sack. While wielding scissors and wearing jack boots.

With that said, I then need to re-evaluate what this show really is. It is, as Dad said tonight, a beauty contest. And, by beauty, I don't think we're talking about physical looks, because not to be mean but... Taylor? Elliot? Damn. I'll admit, Katharine is a pretty girl, and if I played for the other team, as it were, I'd certainly want to break me off a piece of that. But I do, in fact, play for Team Het, and if my choices are Taylor and Elliot? I'll take spaghetti, thanks.

So, beauty contest. Especially at this point, where it's more a matter of pride that people get "their" idol contestant to the top, regardless of the performances the contestants hand in. I think that Taylor could probably sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" off-key and backwards, but as long as he wore a shiny tie and flailed around on the floor like a man trying to get a hive of hornets out of his undershorts, his fans will applaud his interpretive genius and cry and hug each other, and then phone in their votes to the tune of 120 an hour.

Yes, I'm making giant generalizations here, so don't write me all indignant about it. The point is, simply, that Chris had the best voice of the four left. He shouldn't have been dropped. And we should call a spade a spade and rename the show "American Popularity Contest Winner".

Also, Elliot, if I may make a suggestion? If you're singing a song like "Trouble", where you're trying to be all rebellious and "my middle name is Misery" and stuff? Don't wear a suit coat. And don't smile all sheepishly. And DON'T wear a salmon colored shirt. Because then the song's not "Trouble" so much as it is "Hee hee! I'm wearing a salmon shirt! And trying to be a bad-ass! Hee hee!" Thanks, and you're welcome.

And that's really all I have to say about THAT. I'm glad Kellie's gone, because I'd had enough of that silliness. Girl, please. Paris, eh. She had potential, vocally, but I wasn't impressed. Chris is arrogant as all get-out, but he has the pipes to back it up. I hope he goes on to develop his talent, regardless of the fact that he was "Family Feud"-ed. Next week, who the Hell knows? Now, I'm really committed to seeing this one out, because my poor scientific brain is determined to find some kind of pattern or logic. I think I'm going to be sorely disappointed.

Now, that's, truly, all I have to say.

saturncat at 10:30 p.m.

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